When Grief Comes with Anger | Understanding Anger in Grief
Some losses don’t just bring sadness. They bring anger. Learn why anger is a valid part of grief and how to move through it with support.
There are some losses that don’t just bring sadness.
They bring anger. Disbelief.
The kind of anger that sits in your chest and says,
This should not have happened.
A 7-month-old baby lost her life to gun violence in Brooklyn.
And if you felt something when you heard that… you’re not wrong.
Because this kind of grief is not just about loss.
It’s about injustice.
Is Anger a Normal Part of Grief?
In my work, people often ask if anger is a normal part of grief.
Yes.
And sometimes, it’s the most honest part.
Anger shows up when something sacred is violated.
When something feels deeply wrong.
When something that should have been protected… wasn’t.
And in moments like this, grief doesn’t come quietly.
It comes with questions, frustration, and a need to make sense of something that simply doesn’t make sense.
Anger is an emotion, just like joy. And just like joy, it deserves to be acknowledged, not dismissed.
What Anger in Grief Can Feel Like
You might feel:
Angry at the people responsible
Angry at systems that failed
Angry at how random and unfair life can be
Angry at a world that keeps moving forward
All of that is real.
Why Anger Shows Up in Grief
Anger in grief is not something to fix.
It’s something to understand.
It speaks to what we value.
What we believe should be protected.
What should have never been taken.
A child’s life is sacred.
Safety is sacred.
Peace is sacred.
And when those things are violated, anger makes sense.
Moving Through Anger Without Ignoring It
The work is not to silence it.
The work is to hold it without letting it consume you.
To feel it.
To name it.
To move through it in ways that do not cause further harm.
A baby should not be a headline.
When Grief Feels Overwhelming
Today, we are not just grieving a life lost.
We are grieving a sense of safety, of what should have been.
And if all you can say is, this is not okay,
that is more than enough.
Grief Support: Tools for the Tough Days
If you’re carrying grief that feels heavy, unpredictable, or hard to put into words, you don’t have to sit with it alone.
I created the Grief First Aid Kit: Tools for the Tough Days as a gentle resource for moments when grief feels overwhelming.
It includes grounding tools, emotional check-ins, and simple ways to move through difficult moments without pressure to “fix” how you feel.
This is not about having the right words or doing grief the “right” way.
It’s about having something to return to when things feel like too much.
Source:
Mother of 7-month-old baby shot and killed in Brooklyn wants to set record straight
https://abc7ny.com/post/brooklyn-baby-killed-mother-7-month-old-shot-east-williamsburg-wants-set-record-straight/18836076/
Written by Shantel “Shanti” Robinson, LCSW
Founder: Shanti’s Promise, LLC & Shanti’s Promise Clinical Wellness, PLLC
Empathy. Strength. Renewal
The Grief We Don’t Always Name: Disenfranchised Loss in Uncertain Times
When people hear the word grief, they often think of death.
A funeral. A clear ending. Something visible and socially recognized.
But much of the grief adults carry doesn’t come with rituals, sympathy cards, or permission to pause.
It shows up in quieter, often unacknowledged ways:
The career shift you didn’t plan for.
The relationship that ended without closure.
The body that changed.
The city you had to leave.
The version of yourself you thought you’d be by now.
This is often referred to as disenfranchised grief, loss that isn’t openly validated, supported, or recognized as worthy of grief by society. And yet, the impact can be just as real.
Grief in the Context of Current Events
Lately, grief has also been shaped by what’s happening around us.
Ongoing uncertainty. Immigration stress. Loss of safety. Violence. Polarizing headlines. Systems that feel unpredictable or dehumanizing. Even when events don’t affect us directly, the nervous system still absorbs the weight of what we witness.
This is collective grief, the emotional response to shared trauma, instability, and societal stressors. It often shows up subtly as increased anxiety, emotional exhaustion, irritability, difficulty concentrating, or numbness.
Even when loss doesn’t touch us directly, the nervous system still absorbs what we witness.
When Grief Goes Unacknowledged
Unacknowledged grief often surfaces later as burnout, emotional disconnection, chronic stress, or a quiet sense that something feels off. In professional spaces especially, there is often pressure to compartmentalize these experiences, to stay productive, composed, and focused.
That expectation comes at a cost. Grief does not require a crisis to deserve attention, and it does not have to be dramatic to be heavy.
Making Space for Quiet Grief
Quiet Hearts was created in response to this reality.
It is a virtual psychoeducational workshop designed for adults navigating grief and life transitions, particularly the layered and cumulative losses that often go unseen. This is not group therapy or clinical treatment. There is no pressure to share personal experiences or participate beyond your comfort level.
Instead, Quiet Hearts offers education about grief beyond death, trauma-informed coping tools, and space for reflection without performance or expectation.
A Personal Note
Quiet Hearts exists because I have seen, both professionally and personally, how often grief is minimized, rushed, or ignored, especially when it does not fit a neat narrative. Especially when life expects us to keep functioning.
This workshop is an invitation to slow down. To acknowledge what has been lost, changed, or disrupted. To tend to your inner world with intention rather than urgency.
If you have been carrying the weight of things you cannot quite name, you are not imagining it. And you are not alone. Sometimes the most meaningful step is not moving forward, but pausing long enough to listen.
Quiet Hearts: A Grief & Healing Workshop
March 1, 2026 | Virtual
Written by Shantel “Shanti” Robinson, LCSW
Founder of Shanti’s Promise, LLC & Shanti’s Promise Clinical Wellness, PLLC
Empathy. Strength. Renewal
When the Holidays Hurt: Holding Space for Grief and Renewal
The holidays can be a tender time when joy and grief meet in the same breath. In this reflection from Shanti’s Promise, Shantel “Shanti” Robinson, LCSW, offers gentle ways to honor your loss, nurture your heart, and rediscover moments of peace and renewal this season.
From Shanti’s Desk
The holidays often arrive wrapped in expectations of joy, togetherness, and celebration. For many, though, this season carries a quiet ache. One that surfaces between the carols, gatherings, and glittering lights. Whether it’s the first holiday after a loss or another year of navigating traditions that no longer feel the same, grief has a way of showing up when the world insists we should be happy.
At Shanti’s Promise, I believe grief is something to honor. This time of year, that might mean slowing down, saying no, or making space for feelings that don’t fit neatly into the holiday narrative.
When the Holidays Feel Heavy
Grief can feel especially sharp during the holidays because so many moments are built around connection. Empty chairs, missing voices, and shifting family dynamics can trigger memories and emotions we thought had softened.
You may find yourself torn between wanting to participate and needing to retreat. That tension is normal. Grief asks for gentleness, not perfection.
Try to release the pressure to “get through” the season the way you used to. You are different after your loss, and things will be different too.
Ways to Care for Your Heart
Here are a few small, compassionate ways to honor your grief this season:
Light a candle or create a quiet space in memory of your loved one.
Keep, change, or skip traditions — whatever feels most supportive right now.
Give yourself permission to say no without guilt.
Write a letter, share a story, or cook a favorite meal in remembrance.
Lean into connection when it feels right and solitude when it doesn’t.
If a moment of laughter or warmth surfaces unexpectedly, let it. Those flashes of joy don’t mean your grief has disappeared; they’re proof that love still lives in you.
Creating Space for Renewal
Renewal isn’t about moving on; it’s about allowing light to reach the places that feel dark. Sometimes it’s found in rest, reflection, or simply giving yourself permission to breathe.
Joy can quietly coexist with sorrow. It may appear in small ways — a shared memory that brings a smile, the comfort of someone who listens, or a sunrise that reminds you you’re still here. Those moments don’t erase grief; they remind us that healing is possible, even when our hearts are still tender.
A Note from Shanti’s Promise
As the year comes to a close, I’ll be reopening my books for new therapy sessions this December, prioritizing Saturday appointments and, for this month only, select Sunday mornings. Weekday evening sessions will also be available in limited slots.
If you’ve been considering therapy or simply need space to unpack what this season brings up for you, I invite you to reach out. Virtual sessions are available for adults in North Carolina and New Jersey.
Let this be the month you give yourself permission to pause, reflect, and receive support.
Written by Shantel “Shanti” Robinson, LCSW
Founder: Shanti’s Promise, LLC and Shanti’s Promise Clinical Wellness, PLLC
Empathy. Strength. Renewal.