When the Holidays Hurt: Holding Space for Grief and Renewal

Grief & Healing
Written By Shantel Robinson

From Shanti’s Desk

The holidays often arrive wrapped in expectations of joy, togetherness, and celebration. For many, though, this season carries a quiet ache. One that surfaces between the carols, gatherings, and glittering lights. Whether it’s the first holiday after a loss or another year of navigating traditions that no longer feel the same, grief has a way of showing up when the world insists we should be happy.

At Shanti’s Promise, I believe grief is something to honor. This time of year, that might mean slowing down, saying no, or making space for feelings that don’t fit neatly into the holiday narrative.

When the Holidays Feel Heavy

Grief can feel especially sharp during the holidays because so many moments are built around connection. Empty chairs, missing voices, and shifting family dynamics can trigger memories and emotions we thought had softened.

You may find yourself torn between wanting to participate and needing to retreat. That tension is normal. Grief asks for gentleness, not perfection.

Try to release the pressure to “get through” the season the way you used to. You are different after your loss, and things will be different too.

Ways to Care for Your Heart

Here are a few small, compassionate ways to honor your grief this season:

  • Light a candle or create a quiet space in memory of your loved one.

  • Keep, change, or skip traditions — whatever feels most supportive right now.

  • Give yourself permission to say no without guilt.

  • Write a letter, share a story, or cook a favorite meal in remembrance.

  • Lean into connection when it feels right and solitude when it doesn’t.

If a moment of laughter or warmth surfaces unexpectedly, let it. Those flashes of joy don’t mean your grief has disappeared; they’re proof that love still lives in you.

Creating Space for Renewal

Renewal isn’t about moving on; it’s about allowing light to reach the places that feel dark. Sometimes it’s found in rest, reflection, or simply giving yourself permission to breathe.

Joy can quietly coexist with sorrow. It may appear in small ways — a shared memory that brings a smile, the comfort of someone who listens, or a sunrise that reminds you you’re still here. Those moments don’t erase grief; they remind us that healing is possible, even when our hearts are still tender.

A Note from Shanti’s Promise

As the year comes to a close, I’ll be reopening my books for new therapy sessions this December, prioritizing Saturday appointments and, for this month only, select Sunday mornings. Weekday evening sessions will also be available in limited slots.

If you’ve been considering therapy or simply need space to unpack what this season brings up for you, I invite you to reach out. Virtual sessions are available for adults in North Carolina and New Jersey.

Let this be the month you give yourself permission to pause, reflect, and receive support.

Written by Shantel “Shanti” Robinson, LCSW
Founder: Shanti’s Promise, LLC and Shanti’s Promise Clinical Wellness, PLLC
Empathy. Strength. Renewal.

Shantel Robinson